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Chapter 10
Jen was even more innocent than Ryan had thought, but it just made her
more endearing to him. He was getting frustrated, but he didn't let on. He
didn't want to risk upsetting her or losing her if he pressured her. But
she was becoming more courageous, and he knew she liked their make-out
sessions. She always felt him ever since that night, and one night when
they were alone in his bedroom, his parents gone, she reached into his
pants. He groaned from the touch of her hand on his swollen dick, and she
rubbed it up and down. Kissing him, she unzipped his pants and pulled it
out. They both looked down at it, it was hard and pulsating, lying flat
against his stomach. A little precum dribbled down the sides, and she
looked surprised.
"You already did it?" she asked him shyly. "Oh, no," he said. "That just
happens before, you know. Most guys have it," he added, making sure she
knew he was normal.
She reached back down for it, picking up a drop of his precum off and
rubbing it between her fingertips, to his surprise. Then she spread the
rest of it around the head and moved the skin up and down sensually. She
began kissing him again, still with a grip on his exposed cock. She licked
his ears and kissed his neck. She released it for a moment to slide her
hands up his shirt while he did the same to her. He pulled his shirt off
and she pressed herself against his naked chest, kissing his Adam's apple.
His hands journeyed around her hips, reaching behind to hold her ass. She
kept rubbing and rubbing, jacking his cock while she kissed his chest, her
mouth finding his sensitive nipples and her tongue flicking against them.
Pretty soon he groaned loudly and she kissed his mouth, then pulled away,
excited.
She rubbed faster and faster, and with a stronger grip and he gasped. His
eyes rolled back while she watched, and in a choked voice he whispered he
was going to cum. Fascinated, she watched as he arched his back and his
body stiffened. He groaned again. His eyes closed, she kept jacking his
throbbing cock, and grayish-white cream came spurting out of the tip, onto
his bare chest. She hadn't known it would come out in spurts like that,
but instead had envisioned a steady stream.
Ryan began to breathe deeper and her hand slowed. A final gob of cum oozed
out onto her hand. She reached up and touched one of the drops on his
chest, then an idea occurred to her and she massaged all of it into his
skin. He leaned in and kissed her, grateful, and a little surprised at her
boldness. She'd surprised him, she wasn't predictable, he was finding out.
"What does it feel like?" she asked. Her lower body felt like it was
melting; the sight of Ryan having an orgasm made her more turned on than
she could ever remember being.
"You've never cum before?" he asked.
"No," she shook her head. "At least, I don't think so..."
He laughed. "Believe me, you'd remember it if you had," he told her. "It's
unbelievable. It's like, the whole world explodes and you just feel
incredible." "Have your other girlfriends made you cum before?" she asked
boldly.
"Well..." he began uncomfortably. "They don't matter..."
"Well, I just want to know," she said. "What about Courtney?" she asked,
referring to his last girlfriend that he'd told her about, at her request
of course. "Jen! I told you, they don't matter!" he said, a bit
exasperatingly.
"I know..." she said. "But I'm just curious. I mean, I want to know about
you," she explained. "Oh, I see."
"I mean, have you cum a lot?"
He laughed at her naivete. "Gallons," he said. She looked a bit hurt, and
he quickly tried to explain without embarrassing himself too much. "Well,
I haven't done it that much with girls. I do it myself," he explained, not
looking her in the eye. She looked relieved, but at the same time a look
he'd never seen before came across her face. "You mean, you masturbate?"
she asked.
"All guys masturbate," he stated matter-of-factly. "If one ever tells you
he doesn't do it, then he's lying to you babe."
"Wow! How do you do it?" she asked, her eyes wide. "Ohhhhhhh!" he whined.
"I do not want to talk about this. Can we please talk about something
else?" "But I want to talk about it," she said, rolling onto her stomach
and gazing at him.
"Why?" he asked stubbornly.
"Because it turns me on," she told him with a straight face.
"Really?" he asked. "Well, in that case..." he joked.
"No, really. I swear. Where does it feel good?" she asked, gripping his
limp penis in her hand. "Well," said Ryan. "Let me show you..." He placed
his hand over hers, moving her index finger to just below the head. He
placed her thumb over the head, and slowly began moving her two fingers up
and down. His dick slowly lengthened, and he began breathing heavily
again.
"Do you want me to play with your balls?" she asked. "Sure, you can play
with my balls!"
She reached down and gingerly touched the soft sack hanging
between his legs. She took a hold of it, and rubbed the hard balls she
felt in it.
"Be gentle," he warned. "They're very sensitive you know."
"I like them," she said seriously.
Ryan laughed. "Yeah, babe, I like them too. That's why I said be gentle!"
She laughed too. She rubbed the dent between them. Her other hand kept
massaging his dick the way he showed her. He groaned a little bit.
Ryan watched her, while she rubbed his dick up and down. He looked down,
then back at her. "Do you- do you think I have a nice dick?" he asked,
shyly.
She looked up in surprise. "Yeah! It's cool." He laughed. "I mean, do you
think it's kinda... big maybe?"
Now she laughed, then nodded seriously. "It is. It's very big. It's very
thick, too. And long. Have you ever measured it?" she asked, still
rubbing. "No," he blushed.
"Liar!" she exclaimed. "You have too! I know it. I know you have. How big
was it?"
He shrugged modestly, breathing hard.
"You started this! You tell me or I'll get a ruler and measure it myself!"
He grinned. "It was like, almost seven inches long..."
"Wow," she said, her eyes growing wide again. He grinned at her again,
sitting up and kissing her deeply.
Then he leaned over and got some Vaseline out of his night stand drawer
and handed it to her. "Use this," he blushed again. "Otherwise it starts
to hurt."
She smiled, and applied the jelly to his hardon. Slicked up, she rubbed
him faster and faster. "Oh God..." he moaned. "Oh, oh baby that feels
good. Yeah, keep going right there--ohhhhh!"
Jen loved this, she loved giving Ryan pleasure. He seemed to be in another
world.
"Yeah, hold my nuts when I cum," he groaned. She held the hot sack in her
other hand, feeling it pulsating in her grip. Ryan thrust his hips up at
her and cried out that he was cumming. His balls jerked and he shot more
sperm onto himself.
He opened his eyes finally. She rubbed the cum into his chest again and he
grunted. He pulled her on top of him and they kissed. He wanted to say he
loved her, because he did, but he was scared. What if she asked how many
other people he'd said that too? Or what if she thought he was only saying
it to her so she'd sleep with him? So he just held her to him. He
whispered in her ear instead, "I want you to cum now.
. . "
She shook her head shyly, saying it was okay. "No, really!" he said
earnestly. "It's not fair... Let me- let me kiss you down there," he
suggested softly. "Oh, no!" she exclaimed. "No. You don't have to." "But I
want to," he insisted.
"No. I mean, I don't know about that."
"Please?" he asked.
"No, Ryan! Okay?" she said, a little testily. "Okay!" he said, a bit hurt.
"I just wanted to make you feel good too, that's all."
"I know..." she said gratefully. "And I love you for it... But I just, I
don't know. Maybe you wouldn't like it. And I don't feel ready."
"Okay," he said, his mind spinning that she'd said she loved him. She
didn't exactly say she loves me loves me, he thought, but still. "But I'll
never know whether or not I like it unless I try it first of all. But if
you don't feel ready, then that's okay with me sweetheart."
"Oh, Ryan..." she said, kissing him again. "You're so sweet."
Headlights shined through the curtains; his parents were home. He zipped
up and put his shirt back on, she arranged her own. They ran out and sat
on the couch, flipping on the TV while the garage door opened. They
giggled at what was on: C-Span. He quickly changed it to MTV.
His parents greeted them, and his dad offered to drive her home. Ryan came
with them, and tickled her in the back seat of his dad's Mercedes on the
way. Ryan escorted her to her door and he even kissed her in front of his
dad, they didn't care who saw anymore. "Call you tomorrow?" he said.
She nodded, kissing him again. He forced himself to leave her, desperately
wishing he could take her to bed and stay with her.
He waited for her to go inside and then regretfully climbed into the front
seat.
"Now I don't feel like a limo driver," joked his dad, as he pulled out of
her driveway. Ryan laughed. "So, did you guys have fun?" his dad asked.
"Yeah."
"What did you do?" he asked.
She jerked me off twice and I felt her up, thought Ryan sarcastically.
"Oh, nothing..." he said. "We really like Jen, your mom and I do," said
his dad. "I hope you guys go out for a long time." "Yeah, so do I," said
Ryan.
"I think Will has a little crush on her," laughed his dad.
"Why?" he asked, curious.
"Oh, he always asks if she's gonna come over. Haven't you noticed that?"
"Oh yeah, he does... I didn't think about it!" "And he says we should get
her to baby-sit him instead of Mrs. Conway."
"Well, too bad for Will," he laughed. "He'd better keep his hands off my
woman if he knows what's good for him!"
"You like her a lot, don't you?" his dad asked. "Yeah, I do," said Ryan
seriously.
"Do you love her, you think?" he asked. He paused. "I think I do," he said
slowly. "I haven't told her that yet though."
"That's good. I mean, if you only think you do. Wait until you're sure."
"Yeah..."
"Remember Ryan," said his dad seriously, looking at him for a second
before returning his eyes to the street. "Women are a gift. You aren't
owed one simply because you're a man, you have to earn her, you know? But
not like she's a possession, not like that of course. I mean if you don't
give her your all, she's gonna be gone. You have to be there for her, and
work your ass off for her, and treat her like a queen. Make sure she's
happy. Don't think of her just as a sex object, something to jerk off
into."
"Oh, I know. I don't," said Ryan, a little taken aback by his dad's
frankness.
"When you meet the right girl," he said. "She'll be the best thing in your
life. Remember that. But if you blow it, you're gonna be lucky if she
gives you another chance. The luckiest bastard on the planet if she comes
back to you after you've hurt her. Remember that, Ryan." They both sat in
silence, thinking about his words for the rest of the ride. Ryan thought
about how much he loved Jen, and how much he wanted her. Every day he
loved her more. If she ever left him he wouldn't know what to do.
Chapter 11
Jen became much more adventurous that spring. She had grown about three
inches since the summer, and gained weight in all the right places as
well. Part of her desperately wanted to make love with Ryan, and she held
herself back every time they got together. He commented on her body all
the time, how great it was, how horny it made him. She hadn't told him her
desires yet. She wasn't sure yet anyway, and she knew he'd probably shove
it in her before she could say another word. Plus, she had this nagging
feeling that he didn't love her as much as she loved him. He'd never told
her he loved her anyway. Well, except once when they were in his kitchen.
He'd spun around quickly for something and knocked his mother's glass
measuring cup off the counter. Reacting quickly, Jen jumped forward and
caught it before it hit the floor. He'd said, "Oh my God, I love you!"
like ten times in a row. Both Dana and Jen agreed that didn't count as a
true "I love you." Jen knew she loved him, but she was petrified of him
saying nothing after she told him so, or of him saying, "I don't know if I
love you."
But she didn't want him to say it if he didn't mean it, or immediately
jump into bed with him as soon as he did. She knew he'd probably think she
was easy if she did that. Hell, she would be easy, she thought. His
friends sometimes were jerks to her, saying, "Have you slept with Ryan
yet? Why not? Don't you like him? Are you a prude or something?" He was
never there when they said it, and she didn't want to mention it to him
for fear he'd say, "Well, aren't you?"
She thought he sometimes had a longing look in his eyes when he looked at
her. She hoped she wasn't frustrating him. Whenever they screwed around
now he practically always came, so she knew he didn't have "blue balls" or
whatever. He kept wanting to finger her or eat her out, but she was scared
she would smell or he would be grossed out. She'd let him rub her between
her legs over her clothes; God, it felt good. Ryan was getting frustrated
sexually, mainly because he felt everyone else was doing it. He knew Jen
wanted to take things slow, but his friends were on him all the time,
saying shit like, "Maybe she's gettin' it from some other guy," and "Maybe
she's a dyke," or the worst, "Maybe she just doesn't like you." He didn't
know why his sex life (or lack of it) was of so much concern to them. When
he'd mentioned this point to them, they'd been defensive, saying they only
wanted to help. She was getting so beautiful, which she always was of
course. Her chest was getting huge, and he'd graduated from being able to
touch them to being able to kiss them. Sex ruled his every waking thought.
When was she going to let him, how good would he be, what would it feel
like, how often would they do it? Sometimes in class he would just think
about her body and how much he wanted to do her. His friend Josh's
girlfriend had let him eat her out. He'd said it was like heaven. Ryan
wanted to do that too. He wanted to go down on her but she wouldn't let
him. He thought it was strange how she wasn't into getting pleasured. She
said giving him pleasure gave her pleasure, but he was still annoyed. But
other than that, their relationship was great. He'd gotten his driving
permit, and getting practice was always an excuse to see Jen. They had
such great times together. They went and saw movies all the time, and went
out to eat with their friends. He saw other guys looking at her, and it
made him angry, but proud at the same time.
He had fantasies about her all the time, the usual fantasies, and some
where something bad was happening to her (he always felt a bit guilty),
but then he saves her. Her house was on fire, she was being mugged, or
raped (he always managed to get to her before she was actually raped) but
he was the hero. Of course he never told her these things; she'd probably
think he was a creep. He was petrified too that she'd dump him for someone
else.
In the winter she went to all of his soccer games that she could, then in
baseball season she was always there, in the bleachers, next to his
friends or his family.
One Saturday after she'd gone to his baseball game, she came over and ate
dinner at his house, then they watched a movie with his family. "It's
good, clean fun," he kept saying in an adult voice, to make her laugh.
Around midnight, his dad said he had better drive her home. Ryan of course
volunteered to drive. Waiting for his dad to come out, they climbed in the
car. She sat in the passenger seat at his urging, him saying that when he
got his license it'd be like this, and that he'd take her out, just the
two of them. He pretended to drive, steering, moving the stick shift, and
making motor sounds.
"Oh, no watch out for that cat!" he said, teasing her. She loved animals
with a passion. "Phew, missed it." He continued with the acceleration
sounds. "Oh, no! It's a bunch of nuns! Oops! Ran over the nuns! Hope they
didn't make a dent..." She was laughing hysterically. "Oh no! It's a cop!
The pig's trying to pull me over. Let's see if I can lose him... Let's
see, I'm only going 125 miles an hour. I'll turn right and go into this
alley... Oops, I think I squished a bum. Get out of the way you stupid
street vendors! God, you'd think they own the sidewalk..." he said,
rolling his eyes exaggeratingly. He made screeching sounds, saying, "Good,
I lost the copper. Now we're home baby. . . "
He looked over at her, and she smiled at him. He grinned at her.
"Ryan, you crack me up!" she told him.
His face turned serious, and he reached for her. Pulling her to him in the
dark car, he kissed her gently. He looked her in the eyes, his heart
racing. "Jen?"
"Yeah Ry?" she asked.
"I love you."
She stared at him for a second, then her eyes filled with tears.
"Oh Ry! I love you too. So much. I thought you'd never say it..."
He held her to him, his heart bursting. "I love you. I've always loved
you, baby."
His dad came out of the house then, and they smiled at each other.
They kissed quickly, and she got out and got into the back seat.
His eyes kept meeting hers in the rear view mirror while he was driving,
and she smiled at him, trying to keep the tears of joy from falling.
He walked her to her door and they kissed. She held his hand and asked him
if he'd come in and tuck her in goodnight. He looked over at his dad,
raising five fingers up to symbolize "Five minutes?" His dad nodded and
they went inside.
The house was dark except for a few lights her parents had left on for
her. They went in her room. He wished he could stay, he told her that. She
kissed him, then took out a large t-shirt to wear to bed. She got
undressed in front of him, with the lights on, for the first time. He sat
on her bed and stared at her, his dick throbbing in his pants while he
looked her over. She was still short and light, but God, was she getting
built. She pulled her hair out of the ponytail, and it fell over her
shoulders, cascading over her back and breasts. He shook his head at her,
saying, "You're killing me."
She only smiled and stood between his knees, leaning over to take him in
her arms. She kissed him. He looked over at the clock, he'd been in there
almost five minutes. She smiled at him again, then pulled on the t-shirt
and climbed over him and into bed. He had to rip himself from her arms
after he whispered how much he loved her. She kissed him again, whispering
back that she loved him too.
"Goodnight, my love," he said softly.
"Goodnight, Ry."
He covered her up with her warm comforter. He loved her so much he thought
he was going to explode. It wasn't about sex. He didn't care if she
wouldn't have sex with him for another ten years. I could have sex with
any whore off the street, he thought. He needed Jen, he loved Jen.
He turned off her light and softly closed the door, then let himself out
quietly.
Lying in bed, Jen hugged the teddy bear he'd given her for their
three-month anniversary. She was too excited to sleep, she didn't fall to
sleep for a few hours. She thought about how much she loved Ryan, and how
she wanted him to take her virginity, and how she wanted to marry him and
be with him forever.
Chapter 12
When the weather began to thaw Ryan began working at his dad's
construction company, something he'd done since puberty. It was hard work,
but it worked his body out well enough he supposed. He worked on the
weekends, which meant he had less time to spend with Jen and his friends,
but he was making a lot of money. He vowed to save it so he could get a
car as soon as he got his license. He turned sixteen in November, and he
calculated how many hours he would have to work till then to get a car.
Plus, he wanted to get something really nice for Jen on their anniversary.
In May Jen got a letter from Danny, the guy she'd broken up with when
she'd first met Ryan. He'd moved away to Washington state about two months
before. She hadn't really spoken to him since they'd broken up. The letter
first off said how sorry he was that he'd treated her so badly, and how he
realized now what a good thing he'd given up.
"I know you've got a good thing going with that guy Ryan. (At least you
did last I heard--are you still going out?) But I've never stopped loving
you, which may sound strange considering the shitty way I treated you. I
want you to realize that it wasn't because of anything you did, but
because I was scared that if I was too strong you'd get sick of me and
break up with me. You were my first real girlfriend and I guess I didn't
know how to act. There's no "girlfriend manual" (that's suppose to be a
joke ha ha). Of course I blew it. You're probably wondering why I'm even
writing you, but I kinda hoped we can be friends still. If you don't want
to be than you don't have to write me back. It sucks here by the way.
Love, Danny Muir Ps Your boyfriend is a lucky guy."
Jen was blown away. She'd tried to forget Danny, he'd hurt her a lot. But
she didn't hate him. She planned on writing him back.
She wasn't going to say anything to Ryan, but one night when they were on
the phone she did anyway. He was watching TV and not really talking to
her. She tried to get his attention.
"Hey, guess who I got a letter from the other day," she said mysteriously.
"Ed MacMahon," Ryan said sarcastically. "You've won a million dollars.
Wanna share the wealth?" "No," she said triumphantly. "Remember Danny
Muir?" That got his attention. "Danny Muir?" he asked. "That guy you broke
up with to go out with me?" "Well, Ryan," she said. "Uh, I didn't break up
with him so I could go out with you. We'd broken up before I met you. Or
we did like right after. Don't you remember?"
"Oh, yeah, I guess," he said sullenly.
She didn't like his tone. They'd never fought before and it upset her.
"Well?" he demanded.
"Well what?"
"What did old Danny boy want?" he asked. "Oh, nothing..." she answered,
playing with her fingernails and wondering why he was being like this.
"Well, obviously he wanted something if he wrote you. What did he say?"
"How about if I read you the letter?" she asked sarcastically.
"Yeah, read it to me."
"Fine!"
She got the letter out and started to read it. After she read where it
said, "I know you have a good thing going with that guy Ryan," Ryan
interrupted, saying, "That's right."
She ignored him and continued, skipping the part where he asked if they
were still together. She considered skipping the next line as well, but
didn't. "'But I've never stopped loving you, which...'" Ryan interrupted
her again in a disgusted tone, saying, "Yeah, sure. He never loved you."
"Excuse me?" she demanded, hurt.
"What? He didn't love you. I love you. I mean, you guys were only going
out for like--not even a month, right?" "So?" She didn't know why she said
that, she understood his point, but was still hurt by his attitude.
"What do you mean 'so?'? Danny was a mistake for you," he said decidedly.
"Fuck you!" she snapped. "Where the fuck do you get off analyzing every
relationship I've had? You've never even met Danny! I would not say he was
a mistake," she said, trying to hurt him.
He made a disgusted sound. "Oh, yeah right. So, what, why's he even
writing you? He obviously wants something from you."
"Yeah, you didn't even let me finish reading the letter. You were too busy
spazzing out. Maybe he wants to be friends with me. You know, there's no
law that says we can't be friends."
"Uh, excuse me? Maybe there's my law."
"Oh, my God I can't believe this! Why the hell are you being like this?"
"Like WHAT?"
"I can't believe this. Fuck you Ryan. Fuck you." She slammed the phone
down, then took it off the hook so she could explain to herself that he
was probably trying to call her back.
Ryan heard the click and slammed his own receiver down. He was so pissed.
He was pissed off at himself, mainly, he never meant to tell Jen what to
do. Or who she could be friends with. But the idea of another guy telling
Jen that he loved her forced something inside him to snap.
"Dammit," he muttered to himself, punching his pillow. He'd been nearly
asleep when she'd called. He was so exhausted anyway, he'd worked hard
that weekend and was up late last night doing his homework. I'm working
hard for her, he thought. She's probably not even grateful. He felt a
twinge of pain in his heart, knowing she would be grateful if she knew he
was working for her.
He dialed her number; it was busy. Big surprise, he thought to himself,
she's probably calling everyone we know and telling them what happened so
they can hate me. He dialed Josh's number.
"Hullo?" said Josh.
"'Sup?"
"Nothin'."
"Dude, my girlfriend just went ballistic on me..." complained Ryan.
"What happened?"
"Fuck. She got some letter from her ex-boyfriend who's all, 'I
still love you... '" he said in a high whiny voice. "And she's like, 'Oh,
me and him can be friends!'" he said, imitating Jen in a gung-ho sort of
voice. "Not," agreed Josh.
"No shit, huh?" he said, disgusted. "And I told her that and she like
spazzed and hung up on me." "This happen just now?"
"Yeah..."
"Shit. You should just dump her dude. I mean, she's a hella prude anyway."
Ryan paused. "She's not a prude," he said defensively. "She's just a
virgin--that's different." "Yeah, and you're one too because of it. Dude,
I swear, you don't need this shit. I mean, you can stay together with this
chick--and don't get me wrong, I like Jen, I do--but it's like, you can't
let her run everything, you know what I mean?"
"I suppose," he said, thinking it over. "Any other girl would gladly have
you." "You think so?"
"I know so. Dude, hella skirts are always coming up to me, 'Does your
friend Ryan have a girlfriend? He's cuuuuuuuuuute!'" he said in a girlish
voice. "I mean, think about it!"
"Yeah, but dude, I mean, I really like this girl," he said.
Josh paused. "Well, I guess. If that's the way you want it or whatever. I
mean, I think you shouldn't call her back and kiss her ass though. If
you're gonna have a serious girlfriend, you need to keep your nuts
intact." "Yeah, I'm not gonna call her."
"Dude, I gotta go. Alicia's on the other line." "Fine. Later."
"Bye."
Ryan laid on his back, staring at the ceiling. His eyes welled up with
tears, and he squeezed his eyes shut tight so one rolled out down his face
and onto his pillow. Fuck Jen, he said several times. I'm not going to
call her back, he promised himself. He stared at his phone, picturing Jen
dialing his number right this minute. "I'm sorry we fought Ry," she would
whine. "I'm sorry I was such a bitch..."
Ryan thought of all the things he could say. Then he thought of all the
things he could have said differently. He should have calmly asked her how
she felt about the letter. He rolled his eyes, thinking he sounded like
one of those new-aged psychoanalysts: "Let's all get in touch with our
feelings!" He tossed and turned in bed, wishing he could go back in time a
few hours. He heard his parents go to bed, heard the dishwasher's quiet
hum. He wondered if she was still his girlfriend. She'd said "Fuck you" to
him. Did she mean it like, "'fuck you' fuck-you", or like, "fuck you!
we're through! fuck-you?"
Ryan laid in bed for several hours. He squeezed out a few more tears, as
many as he could to feel more sorry for himself. His clock read 1: 36 am.
Jen was probably asleep by now. He wished he was asleep. He could call her
and hope she answered before her parents, but they'd probably be woken up
and pissed off at him. He pictured her dad pummeling him for calling so
late. That brought a smile to his face anyway.
His wild imagination kicked in, and he imagined her stealing her parent's
credit card tomorrow morning, cutting school and flying up to see Danny
wherever he lived, Washington or Oregon or something. He saw her,
seductively removing her clothes and spreading her legs for Danny, moaning
that she wanted him. Danny would be on her in a flash. He probably has a
huge dick too, thought Ryan. He imagined Jen telling her girlfriends all
about its length and girth.
She's not a prude, he thought defensively. Man, he thought angrily, I have
to apologize. It's my damn fault. I bet she'll never forgive me. She
probably thinks I'm some possessive psycho who would have started beating
her anyway. "The first sign was when he started telling me who my friends
could be!" he pictured Jen crying, while on Oprah or Sally Jessey Raphael
or some shit.
Fuck, he thought, getting up. He didn't have a dime or he could call a
cab. He considered stealing money from his mom's purse, but upon
investigation it was nowhere to be found, it must be in her bedroom. He
could steal the car. He could drive perfectly. But there's no way his
parents wouldn't wake up though, and plus, he'd be grounded forever and
then he'd never get his license. He looked around the dark kitchen, and
turned on the light over the table. He got out a pad of paper and a pen.
"Dear Jen," he wrote. "I'm sorry. I'm a jerk. Please forgive me? I love
you. -Ryan".
He rewrote it a couple of times, so the writing was neat and not
scribbled. He added in, "I was totally wrong. Please give me another
chance," in place of "I'm a jerk," and "Please forgive me." It sounded
more serious. He folded it up neatly and wrote "Jen" on the outside.
He got his warm jacket and jeans on, and put his baseball hat on. He took
his bike out of the side garage door, wheeling it out and opening the
gate. It didn't creak, his dad kept it too well oiled for that. It was so
dark he could barely see. There were no street lights in his neighborhood,
and the streets were narrow and curvy. It was freezing out.
He pedaled down the mountain, scared every time he saw headlights. It
could be a cop thinking he was up to no good, who would gladly escort him
home. He biked down the main street of his town, a small, wealthy
residential community in the hills. Everything was closed up tight, even
the gas station was closed. Part of the way was pure highway, 55 mph and
everything. He tried to stay to the side of the rode. He pedaled
furiously, his lungs burning from the cold air. He felt relieved when he
got to the main street near Jen's town. The bright lights and all the cars
shocked him, but he knew where he was and he was almost there. He cut
through the elementary school next to Jen's street. It seemed like an
eternity since he'd left his home, but finally he was here.
He left his bike in front, sure no one would wander by her culdesac and
steal it at this hour, and not in her wealthy neighborhood. He climbed the
wall in front of her house, praying it wasn't rigged for security. He went
up her driveway to the gate on the side of the house, it would lead him to
the glass sliding door to her room. He'd joked before about that door,
about she could let him in at night without her parents knowing. He looked
at the gate. He was pretty sure it was rigged. If he set it off and her
parents called the police, he'd look like a huge fucking fool. If her dad
didn't shoot him first that is. He'd planned on taping the note to her
door so she saw it first thing. He had a little side fantasy that she'd
see him taping it up and she'd invite him in and they'd make up. Shit, he
thought. That's not going to happen. He looked again at the gate. He went
around to her front door and placed the piece of paper on the doormat. He
stared at it, hoping her dad wouldn't step on it and drag it around all
over the city before he eventually noticed it and threw it away.
Ryan hopped up over the wall, and picked up his bike. Climbing on it, he
looked again at her house, and imagined her sleeping peacefully just yards
away from him. He tried to send her a mental message. "I love you, Jen,"
he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut. He took a deep breath and rode
home.
Jen had talked to Dana until about midnight. Dana had advised her to wait
and see, telling her how she was sure Ryan loved her and didn't mean his
behavior. She said he was just jealous. Jen had cried, so upset, and sure
that Ryan had changed or that maybe he wasn't the guy she thought he was.
She said she was glad she hadn't slept with him yet. She was convinced
they were over. Dana agreed on the former, but still said Jen should take
him back. That is, if he comes back, Jen had pointed out.
Jen was surprised at the note on her carpet the next morning. Her dad had
stuck a post-it on it, saying it was on the doorstep when he had gone to
work at 6:15 am. She read it, and held it to her breast. Should she call
him now? He'd probably be up. Nah, she thought. I'll call him tonight so
we can talk. Plus, she thought with an evil grin, better let him sweat it.
That night she called him, nervously. What if he'd changed his mind? He
might have thought about it, and decided he didn't want her forgiveness
after all. "Hello?" said a small voice.
"Will?" she asked.
"Jen?"
"Yeah, it's me."
"Hold on, I'll get Ryan." She heard the phone being put down, then the
sound of Will's footsteps on the kitchen floor. She heard him yell for
Ryan, then, "It's your GIRLFRIEND!" She laughed. Will was only seven, and
an absolute miniature Ryan.
She heard another phone fumbling, and Ryan's low voice saying, "Hang it up
Will!"
He didn't say anything, but his breathing told her he was there. Finally,
he said, "Hello?"
"Hi."
He paused, then said, "Just a second." He covered up the receiver, but she
still heard him shout, "Will! Hang it up!" followed by a click and the
connection becoming clearer.
"Hi," said Ryan. "Did you get my note?" he asked nervously.
"Yeah, I got it."
"Baby, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm such a jerk. You forgive me?"
"Oh, Ryan. Of course I do. I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have hung up on
you."
"No, I deserved it. I have no business telling you who your friends can
be. You can be friends with him all you want. I love you so much though,
maybe I love you too much for your own good in some ways. I don't know,
I'm so lucky to have you, I mean it."
"Ryan, I'm lucky to have you. You've always been a great boyfriend."
"But I can be better."
"I don't see how, Ry."
"I can never treat you again the way I treated you last night, like I
owned you or something. I promise you I never will. If I ever do you can
kick me out of your life." "God, Ry, I'd die without you."
"But you better keep me on my toes though." She laughed. "Aright, I'll
keep you on your toes. But Ryan, don't be afraid to tell me something, how
you're feeling, just 'cause you think I'll get mad or we'll fight. We need
to talk about things. It- it seems like we haven't talked lately. Don't
you think so too?" He paused. "Well, yeah, I guess. It's just that I never
see you. I think we don't see each other as much now, since I've been
working and am too tired to go out and stuff."
"You work too hard. Work less. Your classes are hard enough,"
"Well, you know I'm saving up for a car," he said. "Man, when I get my
license we'll go out all the time.." "Ryan, I bet your parents will buy
you a car. Did they say they wouldn't?"
"No, but I guess I'll appreciate it more if I earn the money myself," he
said, not telling her what else he was planning on spending the money on.
"God, you're such a hard worker. You're just like your dad, you know. He
works so hard to give you guys everything."
"Yeah, but I think, you know, that my mom wishes he were around more."
"Gee, who does that sound like?" she said. "Huh?" he said.
"Ryan!"
"What, who... me?" he asked.
"Yes, you silly. I worry about you. Just don't get burned out."
"I won't. Don't worry, babe."
"Hey, Ry?"
"Yeah?"
"When did you bring that note over?" she asked, curious.
"Oh, I think it was like 3 or so. Maybe 4." "You got a ride that late?"
she asked incredulously. "No."
"How'd you get here then?"
"I rode my bike."
Jen gasped. "Ryan! You rode your bike over here! God, that's like ten
miles away! And at night!" "Well, I wanted you to know I was sorry! I
didn't want you to go to school hating me still. I couldn't call you. Your
parents would have killed me!" "Oh, honey..." she mused. "I can't believe
you rode your bike! You must have been freezing. Weren't you cold?" "Well,
at first. But I rode as fast as I could and got warmed up."
"Oh... I didn't hate you you know!" she exclaimed, what he'd said just now
hitting her.
"Well, I didn't know. I mean, you said, "Fuck you" and hung up on me," he
pointed out, sounding hurt at the memory.
"Oh! I feel so bad. If something had happened to you I'd never have
forgiven myself."
"Don't worry about it."
"No, I mean, you could have gotten hit by a car. Or kidnapped!"
He laughed. "I'm a big boy, I can handle myself!" "You must be exhausted.
What time did you get home? Did you get any sleep last night?"
"No I think I got home at like six or so. It was almost light out. But it
was worth it." "You know, you could have just called me this morning."
He paused. "Would you have talked to me?" "Probably not!" she laughed.
"See! It's okay. I got my exercise for the week." "Oh, and up the mountain
too!" she whined. "Poor baby..."
"Oh!" he whined back, teasing.
"You must be so tired."
"Yeah. You know when you stay up all night though, after awhile it's okay.
It feels like a dream ..." She sighed. "I wish you could come over."
"Yeah, I'll get my bike out."
"Ryan, don't you ever dare ride your bike over here again from your house.
Take a cab. I'll keep money aside just for that."
"No, I'll keep money. I wish I could come over now." "Well, you're not
allowed to."
He sounded hurt. "Why not?"
"Because, Mr. Harper, you're going to take a nice hot bath and get your
butt some sleep tonight!" "Yeah, okay, that sounds good. How's your butt
by the way?"
"It's just fine!" she laughed.
"Can I come over and see your butt this weekend?" "Well, my parents are
going to be home. But other than that you may."
"Can I see something else?"
"Ryan!" she laughed, surprised. "Well, I'll think about whether or not you
can see it." He groaned. "Aright... You know, it's like the car. No
offense, really. I appreciate something more when I've earned it, huh?"
"Yeah, you will," she agreed, pleased that he saw her side of it for once.
"I love you babe," he said softly.
"I love you, too, love. Now go get some sleep!" she insisted.
"'Kay. I'll call you tomorrow. Bye..."
"Bye..."
Chapter:
Preface
01-03
04-06
07-09 10-12
13-15
16-18
19-21
22-24
25-27
28-30
31-33
34-36
37-42
43-47
48-49
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