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Chapter 7
What happened is that Dana and Jared, the other sophomore, went to the
movies and conveniently invited both Jen and Ryan. At first when Jen,
who'd been moping over Danny for awhile, realized what was going on, she
was a little annoyed, not that she didn't like the Ryan guy or anything.
She just bristled at her best friend's attempt to set her up behind her
back. After all, Dana knew how upset she was over Danny still. But she
couldn't be rude and demand to go home. Plus, it wasn't Ryan's fault they
had been set up. She set out to ignore him so he would get the picture
that she wasn't interested.
But while Jared was all over Dana next to them, Ryan just let her watch
the movie, and she was thankful. He didn't even try to hold her hand. He
was so funny and she was laughing the whole time at all his little
sarcastic comments about the movie, which was really stupid. They both
hated licorice and Good N' Plenty candy. But Danny kept creeping into her
mind, and she refused to acknowledge that she might like someone else or
that she might be on a date. She wished she was at home.
But when the movie was over, an extremely minor incident in the car, which
would blow Ryan away later when she mentioned it to him, made her really
look at him and admit to herself that she liked him a lot. While Jared was
driving a van cut in front of them suddenly. Jared slammed on his brakes.
Jen was in the back seat with Ryan, and wearing her seat belt, but Ryan
instantly threw his arm in front of her to prevent her from going forward.
There wasn't an accident or anything, but she was bowled over by his
protective and thoughtful behavior. This tiny gesture opened her eyes to
him.
She thought about that night, and how much fun she'd had with him. And how
good it had felt when he'd just touched her, although briefly. She hoped
he liked her too, and didn't think she was cold or uninterested. When they
stopped at her house to drop her off, the garage door was open and her dad
was fixing something in it. Both of them had been wondering what was going
to happen, if he would walk her to her door and maybe kiss her. It wasn't
an official date, so he could have just stayed in the car and been safe.
But since her dad was there they didn't get the chance. So instead Ryan
yanked her hair playfully when she climbed out of the back seat, and she
smiled at him as she said, "See ya later."
Ryan was encouraged enough to call her the next day, and the day after
that. He asked her to his Homecoming and she said yes, Danny's memory
fading by the day. They went in a big group, first out to dinner, then to
the dance where Jen and Ryan danced the whole night. Well, practically the
whole night. The group they went with had rented a suite with several
rooms (the dance was at a hotel), and eventually they went up there.
Ryan's mind was racing in the elevator, wondering if he was going to lose
his virginity that night. He pictured them in a bedroom, making out
passionately and ripping each other's clothes off as they fell onto the
bed. He wondered what he was supposed to do now. Jen was also wondering
what would happen. He hadn't kissed her yet, and she really wanted him
too. Half the couples on the dance floor had been making out during the
slow songs. She really liked him, and was scared he didn't like her, at
least, not as much as she liked him. They sat down on the couch in the
living room of the suite, looking around and saying hi to the few of other
people there. MTV was on. Ryan loosened his necktie and removed it. It was
so awkward. He wanted to fuck her right then, but was petrified of her
punching him out if he suggested they go into one of the rooms. So they
just made small talk on the couch.
One guy made eye contact with Ryan, and, nodding toward an empty bedroom,
said, "It's empty if you want it."
Ryan glanced over at her, but she didn't look at him, not wanting to do
what she was sure he wanted to. He'd probably had lots of girls before,
all the time, she thought.
Ryan just shook his head at the guy, saying, "Maybe later."
She felt relieved, but at the same time scared that he didn't like her. He
hadn't tried anything at all. She excused herself and went to the
bathroom, where she stared at her image in the mirror.
She was 14 years old, but her body was decently behind. She hadn't yet
gotten her period. She was 4'10" tall, easily a foot shorter than Ryan.
Her dark brown hair was piled on top of her head, and her blue eyes made
up impeccably. She thought her face was her best feature.
She didn't yet have any sort of body, her breasts were small, and ugly,
she thought. Her chest looked okay in this dress, she'd reasoned at the
store. She knew that if Ryan tried to feel her up he'd be disappointed in
her lack of body. He probably weighed twice as much as her too. She was
always thought of as "cute," because of her petite size. Never "fine."
Feeling miserable, Jen returned to Ryan on the couch.
"Hi," he said to her. Her visit to the bathroom had sent his adolescent
mind spinning: was she putting in a birth control device? Maybe she wanted
him to hit on her. He wanted to have sex with her, but at the same time
he'd rather just kiss her first. Besides, he reasoned, do I really want
sex on a first date? He didn't know if she was a virgin, it's possible she
wasn't. He'd prefer it if she was, he wasn't sure he'd know how to do it
right anyway, but the odds were certainly greater of her letting him do
her if she'd done it before. But he would be happy if she just liked him
back.
"Hi," she answered.
"Did you have fun tonight?" he asked, thinking, please say yes, and mean
it too.
She smiled at him. "Yes," she said. She had. "Did I tell you you look
beautiful?" he asked. "About ten times," she blushed.
"Good, just checking."
"I've gotten a lot of compliments on my corsage," she told him. "It's so
pretty."
"Yeah? Thanks. I was hoping you'd like it," he grinned at her. "So, what
are you doing next weekend?" He was stepping out onto a ledge here, he
wasn't sure if she'd respond the way he hoped.
She paused. "Well, next Saturday is our Homecoming." "Oh, are you going?"
"Well, that depends..." She wasn't trying to be coy. "On what?"
"On whether or not you'd like to go with me," she said quickly, her heart
pounding in her ears. He smiled. "I'd love to go with you."
She smiled back, and they looked deep into each other's eyes. He leaned in
a millimeter, saying quietly, his face covered with anticipation,"Can- can
I kiss you?" She nodded, still staring into his eyes. He leaned forward
and, eyes closed, she felt his lips brush up against hers. He lightly
pushed against her lips, and she did the same. He pulled away slowly, with
a quiet kissing sound. She studied his face. God he's gorgeous, she
thought.
He leaned in again, and kissed her again. He didn't pull away this time
but just leaned in to let his forehead touch hers, their eyes still
closed. She felt his warm breath on her lips, and kissed him back, her
hands finding his strong shoulders. She let her mouth open the slightest
bit, and he did the same. The tip of his tongue barely touched hers, and
his hands gently cupped her face. His body tingled, especially where her
hands rested on his shoulders. He pushed his tongue a little further into
her mouth, hoping she'd take it. It met her own, and, she did the same to
him. They spent the better half of an hour in the corner of that couch,
just kissing passionately. Her hands stayed on his shoulder, and his hands
never went below hers.
He got to walk her to the door that night, his heart swelling with the
adoration he already felt for her. He kissed her again on her doorstep,
and she couldn't believe how lucky she was that this guy, who was so
great, actually seemed to like her. She gave him a huge hug as he said he
guessed he had to go. They both went to sleep dreaming about the other,
him of course, with a tired hand that had relieved the erection she'd
given him.
Chapter 8
Her Homecoming was similar to his, they'd gone out to dinner and then
danced together the whole night. This time they were one of the couples on
the floor who kissed like there was no tomorrow. That night there was no
room waiting upstairs for them, the principal had seen to that. Both were
secretly relieved, for different reasons.
He was convinced she wasn't a virgin, just because of how mature she acted
and how good-looking she was. He had this nagging theory that had formed
from his brief knowledge of her last boyfriend: She had slept with him
right away, then he'd just ignored her, not wanting her around anymore.
Ryan hoped that wasn't the case. They talked to each other every night on
the phone. He always made her laugh, he was so funny. But he could get
serious too, and told her how he felt about his parents and his
relationship with them, and what he wanted to do after high school. He was
the most sensitive guy she'd ever known, certainly a contrast to her last
boyfriend.
He wished they went to the same school, or at least lived close enough
where he could bike over to see her. As it was it took fifteen minutes by
car to her house from his. But whenever he went out with his friends she
went too, and he longed for his license so he could take her out on his
own, just the two of them, without having to wait for a ride.
His parents loved her, and she liked going over there and didn't seem to
mind putting up with them. His parents were pretty cool about stuff, but
he wasn't about to attempt to lock them out of his room with her in there.
A month into their relationship they'd only Frenchkissed. They hadn't had
many opportunities to do more. One Friday night they were alone on a couch
at a friend's house, the parents gone and Ryan's friend busy in his room
with his own girl. While they were kissing, he slowly slid his hand up to
her breast and cupped it. Jen immediately pushed him away from her. Ryan
was hurt and horrified, not knowing what to do, or how to react to her
rejection of him.
She felt like a complete fool, she shouldn't have reacted that way. She
was just so insecure about her body, and she'd panicked. She was scared
he'd think she was a baby if he saw her. She felt like such a bitch. He'd
turned away from her on the couch, hurt. She touched his shoulder, "Ryan?"
He didn't answer.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean it, Ryan... I shouldn't have done
that. I'm sorry..." He turned to face her, not looking her in the eyes.
"What- why'd you do that?" he asked her, the hurt evident in his voice.
"I didn't mean it. I'm so sorry..." she repeated. He turned away again,
then looked back at her. "I- I'm sorry..." he mumbled. He couldn't think
of anything else to say.
"No, it's my fault. Honest. I- I just, I don't know..."
He didn't say anything, waiting for her to finish. "I mean, I don't have a
very good body you know," she mumbled, her eyes filling with tears. She'd
hoped this moment wouldn't come. "I'm really flat. I don't want you to be
disappointed."
He was astonished. He'd thought he was a jerk and she just didn't like
him, but to hear this took him aback since he really couldn't care less.
"What?" he asked. "Jen, I think you have a beautiful body. Don't worry
about it, honest."
"No I don't," she said, the tears spilling over. "Yes you do. And I don't
want you disagreeing with me either, got it? 'Cause then you're insulting
something I like, you know? And I don't like that." "I guess..." she
sniffled, not sounding at all convinced.
He got her some Kleenex and wiped her cheeks off. He held her in his arms
and comforted her. "I'm sort of inexperienced," she blurted out. "I guess
you can tell that. I guess you're going to have to have some patience, you
know? 'Cause I don't think- 'cause I guess I'd rather take things slow,
like this. I can understand if you don't want that, but I'm sorry." "You-
you've never done it before?" he asked, relieved.
"No," she said. "I'm a virgin. Have you done it a lot?" she ventured.
He considered lying, but only briefly. "No. Actually, I'm- I'm one too,"
he stumbled.
"Really?" she asked, sounding amazed.
"Yeah! Why do you sound so surprised? What, did you think I'm
some sort of major mack or something?" he asked. "Well, I don't know. I
just sort of assumed you have. I mean, you're so good-looking..."
"Really? You think so?"
"Yes!"
"Oh, thanks. Thanks a lot. But obviously, looks don't matter much, because
you've never done it either." "Oh, Ryan, you're so sweet..." she said,
flattered. He leaned in and kissed her. Kissing him back, she took his
hand and placed it over one of her breasts. He kept it there, enjoying the
feel of her under his palm. He pulled her to him, his mind racing with
emotions for her. Something occurred to him, and he pulled away from her.
"I just thought about it," he said.
"What?" she asked.
"I never asked you out..." he said. He took her small hand in his large
one. He studied her face. "Jen, will you be my girlfriend?" he asked.
Her face lit up. "Oh, yes," she said. "You know I will. I'd love to be."
Chapter 9
Ryan had never felt about anyone the way he felt about Jen. His friends
were always bugging him whether he'd "hit it" yet or not, but he wasn't
about to pressure her into it. He loved being with her, she was so cute
and funny and sensitive. They had this tremendous vibe together, he knew
what she was feeling, whether she was nervous, or anxious, happy or
scared. He felt this overwhelming desire to protect her at all costs. He
knew he was falling in love with her. One night they were alone in one of
his friend's bedrooms, kissing. He was kissing her neck and her ear, which
he'd discovered she adored. Her hands were on his chest, massaging it. He
felt she was handling them awkwardly, like she didn't know what to do.
Still kissing her, he gently took her hand and placed it lower, wondering
what she'd do, but sensing she wouldn't get mad.
He was right; she rubbed him through his jeans, her hand feeling his
stiffness for the first time. Ryan gasped in her ear from her touch, and
she grasped him and he nearly came right then. He wanted to touch her down
there too, make her gasp in pleasure as well. He didn't know how she'd
react to that, so instead slid his hands up under her shirt, which she'd
let him do before. His friend bursting in on them prevented them from
going any further; she snatched her hand away and he did the same while
his friend explained his parents were home. That Christmas vacation he
invited her up to his cabin for skiing with his family. His parents,
especially his mom, adored her. His mom, Karen, had had three sons before
she miscarried a girl. They hadn't been able to have any more children
after that, though they tried.
Ryan's little brothers, Robby and Will, thought she was great too, and the
five of them spent one winter night all playing hide-and-seek and other
games in the cabin together. Ryan slept in the loft above his parents room
with his little brothers, and Jen was placed in the room next to his
parents. They'd be able to hear him if he tried to sneak into her room, he
realized. The night before they left they were kissing on her bed, the
door open. She got up and went to the adjoining bathroom. She was in there
for a minute before he heard her scream.
Ryan flew to the door, but it was locked. "What's the matter?" he asked.
"Jen, are you okay?" There was no answer, and he asked again, knocking on
the door.
"I'm okay," her muffled voice told him. "Ryan, can you get your
mother please?"
"My mom? What do you want her for?"
"Ryan, please can you just get your mom?" she asked, crying.
He went after his mom, concerned, but feeling extremely left out.
The door was unlocked and his mom went in. Ryan sat on the bedspread,
wondering.
Jen sat on the toilet, crying.
"What's the matter, honey?" Karen asked. She shook her head, then told
her. "I-I got my period," she
stumbled. "I've never gotten it before." "Oh, honey!" Karen exclaimed,
giving her a hug. "I don't know what to do," she cried.
"Well, first of all, let me get you something," said Karen. "I'll be right
back," she explained, leaving. When his mom walked out, Ryan jumped up.
"What is it?" he demanded. "What's the matter?" His mom just shook her
head.
"Can I go in?" he asked.
"Better not," she answered.
His mom returned in a second with her travel case, and went back in the
bathroom. Ryan sat back down on the bed, having an idea what was going on
but perturbed at the same time.
Karen pulled a few objects out of the case, explaining them and how they
were used. as well as the whole cycle.
Jen didn't understand the tampons. She wondered if they could go up and
get lost, besides, she added, "I don't think I can use them yet."
"Well, sure, you can use them," said his mom. "I prefer them over the
pads, they're not as messy and you can't feel them at all."
"Well, no, I mean, they might hurt me. I mean, I've never done it you
know," she said embarassedly. Well, she thought, this is sort of a
personal moment anyway. "Oh," said his mom, flattered that Jen felt close
enough with her to share that. "No, you can still use them, honey. They're
not that big, they shouldn't hurt you although you may want to buy the
teen size. But if you don't feel comfortable you might start out with the
pads."
"Oh."
She took out an aspirin bottle. "Do you have any cramps?"
"No," she said.
"Well, you'll probably get them sometime. They're usually much worse the
first two days or so. What you should do is take Advil, or Midol,
ibuprofen usually works best. Take it every few hours as soon as you feel
any pain." "Does it hurt a lot?" she asked.
"Well, it does," said his mom. "Every woman is different so you may not be
too bad, but for me, it's horrible unless I take the pills."
Jen looked sad.
"But it's a good thing," assured his mom. "When I first got mine, I was so
thrilled. I told all my friends right away, and the ones that hadn't
started theirs were jealous."
"Really?" asked Jen.
"Oh, yes," remembered Karen. "It was a big moment. I was twelve, I
remember. I thought I was so grown-up!" she laughed.
"I'm fourteen..." said Jen.
His mom smiled. "I know," she said. "But it's a great thing, really it is.
It means you can now be a mother, your body is ready to carry a child."
Jen nodded, thinking.
"Of course," his mom added. "Your body may be ready, but that doesn't mean
the rest of you is if you know what I mean..." she told her pointedly.
"Oh, I know!" Jen laughed. "Don't worry about that." "That's good," smiled
Karen.
Jen gave her a big hug, saying, "Thanks a lot, Mrs. Harper."
"Oh no, call me Karen," she said. "And you're welcome."
"Thanks, Karen."
"This was great," his mom said excitedly. "You know I don't have any
daughters. I never thought I'd be having this conversation. If you ever
have any other questions, and your mom's not around or something, you can
always talk to me of course."
"Thanks."
"Well, I'd better leave you alone for awhile. This is your day, this is a
big day for you. I'll see you later!" "Thanks. 'Bye."
Karen walked out, and Ryan was still sitting on the bed.
"Well?" he asked. "Tell me."
"She can tell you herself, if she wants," said his mom, leaving.
Ryan waited on the bed. Finally he heard the toilet flush and the door
opened slowly. She walked out slowly as well, her eyes red.
He got up and went to her, putting his arms around her to comfort her.
"You okay?" he whispered.
"Yeah," she said. "I'm okay."
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked. She shrugged and laid down on
the bed, hugging the pillow. Ryan sat next to her, rubbing her back. He
leaned over and kissed her cheek.
"You want to tell me what happened?" he asked. "Oh, you don't want to hear
about it..." she said. "It's just girl stuff."
"Well, you're my girl so I'm interested. You- you don't want to tell me?"
"Oh, well if you want to know. I got my period." "You've never gotten it
before?" he asked. "No, this is the first time. I guess I'm just a late
bloomer."
"I'm sure you're fine. Does it hurt?" he asked, curious.
"No, but it might later. I didn't know anything, you're mom helped me a
lot."
"That's good. So, you want to rest or something? Do you want me to leave?"
"No." She turned over and patted the bed next to her. He laid down next to
her, and she rested her chin on his chest.
"Do you think I'm dirty?" she asked him. "What? No, I don't think you're
dirty you silly!" he exclaimed, surprised.
"Oh, well I didn't know. I mean, I just didn't know." "Do you feel dirty?"
he asked.
She thought about it. "Well, it's kinda gross. I guess you could say I
feel icky."
"Yeah, but like, now you can have babies. You're a big girl now," he said.
"Yeah, I guess. I guess we're gonna have to be careful from now on..." she
teased.
"Oh, yeah!" he laughed, wishing that were the case. "Your mom's so great,"
said Jen.
"Well, of course," Ryan said. "She's related to me after all..."
Jen tickled him and he tickled her back until they were both laughing
hysterically.
Chapter:
Preface
01-03
04-06 07-09
10-12
13-15
16-18
19-21
22-24
25-27
28-30
31-33
34-36
37-42
43-47
48-49
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